It's a beginning or an end?

New Year 2007! Everything should be new, hope and resolutions should be in everyone, but why? It's not with me at all. Had been feeling very down yesterday night after digging out my old old dear diary from the book shelves and run through all the diaries that I had written all these years. Lokking from when I started going out with a guy during Uni days, when i am having down days with him, when I got my first job, and when i having trouble with my families and the diaries stop during 2003. Since then, havent been putting a word in there but just keep all the low time to myself. Looking back, I did not move forward much, goal is still so vague and i m still not happy or never been happy all these years....I have no idea what will make me happy and even tried to think deeply how should I make myself happy, but I never been able to find a solution till now. Maybe I am like what all said, 
bu gan ji mo'. When there's no one at my side accompanying me, I'm lost or rather starting to feel down by thinking all the unhappy past. I think I should start telling myself to be more independent, to stand on my own whatever it is.